Games & Entertainment

Top Secret
How Obama Top Secret information, without a security check?

I heard Obama never had the "safety distance" (certificate conceiled birth, suspected anti-American connections etc) so how was accepted in a top secret meeting a few days ago? Is there a double standard to himself? How can you get? He did not even meet Step 1, which is to show a valid certificate and not photoshopped birth

You heard wrong.

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Sex, lies and secrets: The secret is to Destroy Your marriage?

After the story came to New York governor, Eliot Spitzer, was having sex with prostitutes, relationship experts appeared on every news channel, dispensing theories about the behavior of Mr. Spitzer. Opinions about why a married man (and one with much to lose) behave in this way to have it varied from unmet needs to sociopathic tendencies. One expert suggested even that "men are governed by their genitals." In any analysis of this scandal, however, that no one raised was the role of secrets.

The truth is that we'll never know why the former governor did what he did. But the reality is that Mr. and Mrs. Spitzer is not alone in having to cope with devastating effects of an extra-marital relationship. It is estimated that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women being unfaithful at some point in their marriage.

In my therapy practice I have worked with men and women who were unfaithful, and many who were about to embark on an adventure. There are many reasons why someone makes the decision cheating on his spouse or partner – an often overlooked dynamic has to do with power and the temptation of living in a secret world.

The Power of Secrets

Some people are attracted by the idea of keeping secrets. Whether the secret is an extra-marital affair, gambling, shopping, or alcohol / drug secrecy seems to hold special meaning for the secret of insurance beyond the content of what is hidden. For obvious reasons, the secrets of mean a big problem for your marriage or relationship.

True intimacy can not exist when building walls of secrecy around each other.

Let's look at five reasons that may keep secrets from your partner (or vice versa):

1. The secret as an escape

Here secretly acts as an Escape From a mundane reality or concern, he feels little control. People who feel trapped in painful marriages are vulnerable to the creation of a secret life that promises relief from the anguish of a deterioration of relations. For some, the secret may involve emotional infidelity, while others may have a physical relationship. The secret relationship may exist for many years next to a bed or the matter may act as a catalyst to leave an unwanted relationship.

2. The secret power source

The function of this type of secrecy is similar to the flight, but the emphasis is on the charged energy you feel when you walk into the secret world. The secret is seen as providing a much needed adrenaline boost to a mediocre life. A customer who had a gambling addiction (which kept hidden from his family) described how his secret life made him feel "alive" in a way that eluded him in his life everyday. People remains too restrained and limited in their relationships (and overall) are prone to this kind of secret.

3. The secret as repudiated claim your car

Typically, people behave differently in their secret world: The individual who feels in the intensification of their lives in search omnipotence, the great executive power that bullied its way to the top becomes impotent submissive, the husband of the submissive, and highly ethical becomes the bad boy, punished. When deep fears of rejection and shame that block to bring all of yourself in your marriage or relationship, secrets become a powerful way to express these repudiated (polar-opposite) parts yourself.

4. The secret as an avoidance of intimacy

For many of intimacy, emotional energy is vital that feels alive and whole, but for others, a deep connection to another becomes a straitjacket that should be avoided – fear of intimacy is a reality for many couples. If you struggle with fears of intimacy, struggling to maintain their autonomy, while also attempting to give of yourself emotionally. This is a balancing act that is not easy. When privacy is by avoiding the creation of a secret life acts as a possession, a line in the sand that delineates you from your partner or spouse.

5. The secret as a means of control and power

In a sense, all the secrets that give a greater sense of control. The lease initially. In general, changes at some point, as their secret life spirals out of control – which is often the case when you try to hold on to secrets while in a relationship intimate. But for some, their secrets are designed to act as a means of power over his wife – a way to control something, anything, that your partner can not access. The importance of this secret is that you get a sense of control over their partner to maintain a secret existence.

The need arises to keep secrets in an immediate need to protect yourself. When a relationship (or some aspect of a relationship) becomes intolerable for a child, s / begins to retreat, hiding in the protective world of secrets. A child who has been emotionally wounded learn to count on the reliability and security of secrets.

The challenge for us is to create a relationship that feels safe, a union that allows a deep and rich sharing of ourselves. When our work and commitment worth as a haven of privacy and mutual respect, the heavy curtain of secrecy is lifted, allowing a real connection to flourish.

For tips on building a deeper intimacy and a stronger relationship, visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ Dr. Nicastro and sign up for FREE Newsletter Relationship Toolbox.

As a bonus, you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way they argue their case before that controls. "

About the Author

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach who is passionate about helping couples protect the sanctuary of their relationship. Rich and his wife Lucia founded LifeTalk Coaching, an internet-based coaching business that helps couples strengthen their relationships.