Games & Entertainment

Lynch Dead

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men for PC $6.95

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Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (PC Games, 2007) – NEW $5.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Sony Playstation 3, 2007) $19.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men for PC $19.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men for PC and Brand New!! $7.99

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Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Sony Playstation 3, 2007) $12.00

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men PC Dvd Game $16.28

Kane and Lynch 2 Dead men Xbox 360 $13.59

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (PC, 2007) $3.99

Kane & Lynch Dead Men – XBOX 360 Complete $9.87

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KANE & and LYNCH DEAD MEN – PC Game for Windows (DVD Game) $10.50

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Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Xbox 360, 2007) $1.99

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Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Xbox 360, 2007) $14.93

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (PC, 2007) $10.00

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XBOX 360 Game KANE & LYNCH DEAD MEN Rated Mature 360 $11.49

KANE AND LYNCH – DEAD MEN *NEW PLAYSTATION3************ $27.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Sony Playstation 3, 2007) $6.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men Xbox 360 Game $7.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (Xbox 360, 2007) $9.99

★★★ KANE & LYNCH DEAD MEN Brand New! ★★★ Playstation 3 / PS3 ★★★ $17.99

PS3 KANE & LYNCH DEAD MEN Japan Import Spike Sony PS 3 $40.80

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (PC, 2007) $4.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men (PC, 2007) $4.99

Kane & Lynch: Dead Men for PC $19.99

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Sleepwalk Quietly…and Carry a Large Parsnip

 A lovely friend of mine emailed me last tonight and said “Kylie…you should get some sleep”. This was in response to an email where I tried to spell “Tim Tams” three times and all I got was “Tim Times”, “Tom Toms” and “Tampons”…so..perhaps he had a point.

If an Australian woman cannot spell Tim Tams, on any given day, she is either in severe chocolate withdrawal, or indeed, she may need some extra Zzzzs.

Another friend asked me to find three words for a funny little online game called “3 Words After Sex”. The premise was very simple: All One had to do was string together three words that might make a potentially humorous retort for what one might say post -coitus, then post it as a bulletin to everyone else who might get a bit of a guffaw.

Somehow, I managed to turn 3 words into 12 and not only posted it back to the sender…but also to myself, my accountant, and to my Nanna (My Nanna is a very open-minded lady, but it was at 6pm, and she had probably not had her Multi-Mega-Mogadon yet).

Now, I like to think of myself as a competent and articulate kind of gal. So, I was quite bemused that my brain had gone to a pie-floater so early on in the evening.

I have been going to bed at a reasonable hour , and  I have been eating my daily three serves of fruit and veg. I have even been trying to do some exercise (if You Can count hanging upside down from the shower curtains trying to shave the hair behind your kneecaps without cutting an artery as exercise.) so why I was feeling and acting like Gomer Pyle on valium?

                                

It was only when the man of the manor came in at half-time during State of Origin and said “You should get some rest, you had a big one last night, and by the way, QUEENSLANDER! QUEENSLANDER!” I realized what was going on.

The “Sleep Droobies” had returned.

For those who know me quite well, this little event happens every so often, and has done so since I was able to crawl. When I have a lot on my mind, my body falls asleep, and yet my brain is still thinking “2am! A bowl of Sultana Bran might be nice!”. I have been sleep-walking, sleep-talking, sleep-dancing and sleep-breakfast-making since I was a wee wisp of a girl.

Sound bizarre? Probably. I have no idea why my brain works the way it does, but, I do know that out of the two of us, my partner gets the raw end of the deal. He has woken up to me booking imaginary people on planes to the Ukraine, debating Roe Vs. Wade with Jerry Falwell (Hang on! He’s dead…there could be something more to that)  and even talking most earnestly about the benefits of using vinegar when cleaning really bad cat pee stains from your Berber carpet.

In the beginning, he was probably as freaked out as anyone would be when his girlfriend got out of bed at 4am and stated vehemently that Judge Judy was no woman to messed with when it came to deadbeat Dads. The fact that Judge Judy came into the conversation at all, awake or asleep, would probably be enough to freak anyone out.

That’s the thing with sleep talking and walking, when people who sleepwalk (affectionately known as somnambulists) decided to stroll around the garden or tell very bad “knock-knock” jokes in the middle of the night,  you may as well be looking at /listening to someone who is wide awake. Your eyes are open and you move as if You Are, indeed, the complete 6-pack.

However, he has come to realise, that when I am busy, or work-overloaded, it is prudent to go with the flow, when it comes to my night-time discussions.

Kylie: Umm…you need to be at the gate two hours before departure

Man of the Manor: Yes dear

Kylie: And no liquids allowed in your carry-on luggage

Man of the Manor: Yes dear

Kylie: And if you see George Clooney, tell him I can get him a better fare…and his BUTT is HOOOOOTTTTTTTTT!!!!!           

Man of the Manor: Yes dear….by the way…you DO know he’s gay, right?

So, bless him, he has overcome the urge to wake me whilst I am shuffling around the bedroom mumbling about midgets, soybeans and dirty jockstraps (not necessarily in that order). He just nods and agrees, and leads me back to bed.

Where he has drawn the line though, is with me retelling my dreams to him in the morning.

Some people are happy to pay $160.00 to go and see a film ($10.00 for parking, $12.00 for the flick, $138.00 for popcorn and a large soft drink).

I don’t really need that, as my own dreams are full feature films, in wide-screen and surround sound!

I think I know where David Lynch gets some of his inspiration from, if his nighttime adventures are anything like mine!

Let’s take last night’s viewing pleasure:

I was going to Mary Cheney’s Lesbian wedding…in a dark wood.. with various Pika-Chu characters running around in NASA suits, singing Dana Lyon’s “Cows With Guns”, when all of a sudden, David Bowie appears with a large tub of margarine and asks me if I know where the pumpkin scones are.

Flash forward to the local RSL where I have suddenly forgotten all about the strange lesbian nuptials, and am more focused on the $75,000 I have won on the “Paris Does Penal” poker machine, and I am then suddenly transported onto a large cruise ship waving goodbye to all of my Democrat friends with a book of Hilary Clinton’s Home Hints in one hand and a large, organically-grown parsnip in the other.

Curtain down.

Now…..

That was very much the condensed version. I have been banned from telling anyone my dreams, only because they take so friggin’ long to describe. I remember every noise, colour, shade and scent. I start a sentence at work with “I had a Dream..” and my colleagues have little Martin Luther King masks that they automatically pull over their faces…..
It’s little wonder that I wake up feeling utterly shagged…and before you ask, the closest I get to drugs is a glass of merlot or two and the occasional Nurofen.

Oh well…..perhaps I will write them all down one day and come up with a something to rival “Star Wars“…or ….”Blue Velvet”

Nighty night.

About the Author

Kylie is a well travelled free-lance writer who has been published in several magazines in Australia and the United States including “Honestly Woman” and “Third Coast Marketing”.

Come on in..sit down and enjoy…bring your prescription drugs if necessary.

What is the final chapter of Kane and Lynch: Dead men?

theres two different ways to complete. ihave done both.
the first one is save Kanes daughter and let your men die. or you can go save your men but then jenny dies.